tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24519117.post7580798450979430834..comments2023-10-21T01:24:34.902+10:00Comments on Fly My Pretty: Secret women's businessStegetroniumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15881823966680751798noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24519117.post-73891257045875180442008-08-14T12:56:00.000+10:002008-08-14T12:56:00.000+10:00Thanks for sharing your answers on your blog. As a...Thanks for sharing your answers on your blog. As a parent-to-be, it's prompting me to think more specifically how I'll raise my kid of as-yet-undetermined gender. Good stuff.Joy!https://www.blogger.com/profile/16872212751941027675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24519117.post-44607334827062425312008-08-09T09:58:00.000+10:002008-08-09T09:58:00.000+10:00Great answers, interesting discussion. On this com...Great answers, interesting discussion. On this comment from Polly (hi Polly):<BR/><BR/>"there has to be something like a feminist fatherhood, otherwise I fear we're all doomed."<BR/><BR/>I actually adapted Blue Milk's questions into "10 questions on profeminist fatherhood," and took a crack at <A HREF="http://daddy-dialectic.blogspot.com/2008/08/10-questions-on-profeminist-fatherhood.html" REL="nofollow">answering them on Daddy Dialectic</A>. <BR/><BR/>In the comments, I link to Fly My Pretty.Jeremy Adam Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24519117.post-16877149372404989932008-08-05T07:33:00.000+10:002008-08-05T07:33:00.000+10:00Katya, I think that is true. It will be fascinatin...Katya, I think that is true. It will be fascinating to see what sort of men your gorgeous boys become, with such good role models!<BR/><BR/>Thankyou Polly. I haven't actually discussed the idea of lesbian-dadhood with the women I know. In my younger days I went out with a couple of butch-identified women who basically imitated the worst of masculine identity, and were always quite scathing of anything 'feminine'. (I know, a few tragic relationships, but now is not the time to go into this...). I can see there is a lot of potential in drawing on the best of both gender roles. I know Katya's partner would see himself as the same sort of 'dad' that you identify. I like that: 'female masculinity does not equal traditional patriarchy' - and I think that some men I know manage to model that masculinity in general does not equal traditional patriarchy.<BR/><BR/>Maybe the generation of boys raised by feminists will have something to add to that!Stegetroniumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15881823966680751798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24519117.post-41185230381284960522008-08-05T06:27:00.000+10:002008-08-05T06:27:00.000+10:00Do pardon the typos.Also, I'll be linking to your ...Do pardon the typos.<BR/><BR/>Also, I'll be linking to your post tomorrow! Thanks again for the fabulous stuff you have here!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24519117.post-15610445939368702882008-08-05T06:25:00.000+10:002008-08-05T06:25:00.000+10:00Hello! This is my first time seeing your site (I&...Hello! This is my first time seeing your site (I'm an admin over at LesbianFamily.org and saw you linked there). <BR/><BR/>This is an utterly fascinating series of responses to Blue Milk's utterly fascinating questions. As a lesbian parent, and a ole timey feminist, I've lapped them up, of course.<BR/><BR/>The wee contribution I want to make to the conversation is regarding how I take on the role of "lesbian dad," in response to your noting that you have friends "who see themselves as more like fathers - lesbian dads, if you will. They don't call themselves Mum and seem to model themselves on what is expected of fathers in our society."<BR/><BR/>I use this term for myself, as well as the diminutive "Baba," as my parental moniker, simply because my experience of my gender, relative to male & female, is such that some altenative to mother felt more comfortable. <BR/><BR/>But I hasten to note: there has to be something like a feminist fatherhood, otherwise I fear we're all doomed. Or some such. I certainly split domestic labour more than half with my partner (I'm at home right now, with our 1.5 & 3.75 year old kids), due to various reasons, and she's out to work. We do labour at home in the same egalitarian, feminist way we always did in the decade before kids entered our lives and home.<BR/><BR/>One of the most interesting things about "butch" lesbian parents who make connection to men, or co-opt some aspects of fatherly nomenclature &/or roles, is that we have the opportunity to "school" our brothers, as it were, showing how masculinity and nurturance are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I think we give the lie to non-participation, etc., far more powerfully than we might had we been more feminine parents, if that makes sense. (I.e, we can be just as aghast at the floral print diaper bags as the next man, but kneel down and diaper your kid in the middle of the grocery store like the next gal.) <BR/><BR/>I think this is particularly for we "social" (as vs. "biological") parents, since, like men, we did not birth nor did we (usually) nurse our kids, but we're still (I would argue, most of us) bonding to and caring for our kids as if we did. Adoptive mothers of course live this out, too. But I think it will take a lot of us undercutting the assumptions about that with femininity comes biological predispositions toward nurturing parenthood, and with masculinity comes a "natural" (of course I'd say "naturalised" aversion to nurturance (and in its place: some characature of protection and providing or some such).<BR/><BR/>This is a lot more subtle than I'm able to muster in a comment box, alas. And sorry for going on so! Clearly I have a ton of thoughts on the matter. Mainly I want to be sure to note that female masculinity does not equal traditional patriarchy, by any means, and the emerging generation of "lesbian dads" may well be providing a critical path out of the morass for men. Methinks. Or at least, me tries.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24519117.post-66752967327542066842008-08-04T11:55:00.000+10:002008-08-04T11:55:00.000+10:00I think it was Germaine Greer who said that the be...I think it was Germaine Greer who said that the best tihng a feminist can do is have sons. so i had two, to make me a doubly good feminist!<BR/>KatyaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com