Monday, May 28, 2007

Much Ado About Nothing

I've had a hair-raising day and a half after what is termed a 'bloody show'. Apt name. Spent the whole day in bed yesterday, reading books and blogs. Cancelled training today, saying I had been confined to my bed - not strictly true but really who cares about training? I read Amistead Maupin's The Night Listener, which was amazing, and Margaret Scott's In the Shadows, also very good - a good strong feminist book set in late 19th Century England. I also read some striking political blogs to remind me how insignificant my woes are. Baghdad Burning was a particularly good find, written by a 24 year old female Iraqi computer programmer (now unemployed of course). I wish I'd discovered her sooner - her last entry is April 26 this year, where she writes that they have finally decided to leave Iraq. Where is she now?

On the one hand, I know that leaving the country and starting a new life somewhere else- as yet unknown- is such a huge thing that it should dwarf every trivial concern. The funny thing is that it’s the trivial that seems to occupy our lives. We discuss whether to take photo albums or leave them behind. Can I bring along a stuffed animal I've had since the age of four? Is there room for E.'s guitar? What clothes do we take? Summer clothes? The winter clothes too? What about my books? What about the CDs, the baby pictures?

The problem is that we don't even know if we'll ever see this stuff again. We don't know if whatever we leave, including the house, will be available when and if we come back. There are moments when the injustice of having to leave your country, simply because an imbecile got it into his head to invade it, is overwhelming. It is unfair that in order to survive and live normally, we have to leave our home and what remains of family and friends… And to what?

Lovergirl was charged solely with saying, 'It's going to be fine.' I said, 'At least we don't live in Iraq'. Today we went to the doctor's and everything was fine - two little foetuses kicking their legs quite happily.

So I don't know what you were so worried about.


suszoz said...

I had vast amounts of bleeding in the first trimester - here's what I found out: that IVF pregnancies often do. And they don't seem to know why. (Maybe something to do with implantation lower in the uterus due to being put in via vagina rather than floating in from the top.) It's terribly nerve wracking. I'm glad all is well with your babies.

JB said...

Very glad everything is OK.

I also sometimes read the sorrows of those less fortunate to make mine seem trivial. And I also loved Night Listener. I just wish it wasn't semi-autobiographical as I have heard it is. Bad things should never happen to people as good as Armistead Maupin!

Mikhela said...

Really? The Night Listener autobiographical?

And I'm glad to hear other people have had inconsequential experiences with blood. It's so frustrating that all the dr can say is 'We don't know'...I'm realising what huge gaps there are in their knowledge?

ThirdCat said...

Blood is just so alarming. And you feel so fragile anyway. Plus, throwing up doesn't help. I never know whether it helps to hear of other people's experiences or not, but both my pregnancies had some bleeding associated with them.

Take care.