Saturday, January 19, 2008
Like a Virgin
6a.m. I'm sitting here expressing milk while the rest of the house sleeps.
Around my chest I have a white bandeau-style bra. It's very tight and has a hole cut in it at each breast. The bra holds against my breasts two complicated bottle arrangements, with my nipples jammed into funnels leading into the bottles. The bottles are attached to hoses which in turn are attached to a pump which, va-vump, va-vump, va-vump, is using vacuum to pump on my nipples and extract milk. Pretty much like those electric milking machines, if you have ever been into a dairy.
Lovergirl reckons I look like some kind of bizarre Mad0nna (the singer not the religious icon) interpretation of maternity.
The most peculiar thing about this arrangement is that it works. the bottles, va-vump, va-vump, va-vump, are frip by drip filling up with milk. This means I can go out somewhere for longer than an hour and a half, o the freedom! So far I have squandered this opportunity on going to the dentist, but all sorts of horizons open up to me now - depending on how much patience I have for sitting at the milking machine.
I think I'm done here. Look at all that nourishing milk (*glow of maternal self-satisfaction*).