Saturday, May 03, 2008

Thanks, but next time I'll just stay home

People (who shall remain nameless) think I should get out of the house more. People are concerned that I might develop postnatal depression if I am 'stuck at home all day with the kids'. So yesterday I went off to a mums and bubs lunch at a cafe.

So there I am at the cafe with ten impeccably groomed mothers who've been back at the gym for months now, with their angelic babes slumbering in their prams or sitting quietly on their laps, while I stand, rocking in place, consoling one baby enough to put it down in the twin pram so I can pick up the other howling baby and calm them, and trying to eat my wild mushroom pizza with one hand. Conversation was somewhat impaired. But I could hear the other mothers comparing notes on 'mother and baby yoga' and 'mother and baby swimming lessons' and 'mother and baby cinema sessions,' all of which are impossible with two babies. Realising what a carefree, activity-filled life I was missing out on almost was enough to inspire postnatal depression*. At one stage I had one baby in the sling and the other kind of awkwardly draped over the top, and if I put either down, they would dissolve in despair. And of course every time I moved the twin pram, practically everyone in the cafe had to rearrange their seating to make a path for me.

It was hell.

*I'm joking; please do not post any supportive comments about getting help for postnatal depression. I didn't do yoga before the babies; I don't need to do it now.


ThirdCat said...

I have a friend whose group was so fantastic, that ten years later they're all still friends. But I gave up on mine after my boy had his surgery...there was this little gaggle of people talking about 'oh no, he mustn't have antibiotics...I won't even give him baby panadol'. I thought it was a touch insensitive given that my poor baby had just had a frigging blood transfusion and been on a diet of morphine.

Actually, they weren't all like that and I'm still in contact with a couple of them. It's like anything, you just have to dig below the alpha layer. They're there. The nice people. They are.

Susoz said...

Yes I think new mothers groups are very hit and miss. A friend of mine who did IVF made good friends in hers. I went to one meeting of my neighbourhood one and never went back - they were all very straight and much younger than me. I had an online group to sustain me and my lesbian mothers group turned up trumps - we did weekly baby swimming classes followed by a picnic together. Often we were all so sleep deprived there'd hardly be any conversation but that was okay. Have you tried a multiples club? When the babies get to the sitting stage you'll feel more like being out with them.

Mikhela said...

I didn't have any problems with the mothers themselves - that is, I didn't get the chance to talk to any of them for long enough to find out whether I liked them. I was in my own crying-baby bubble.