Poogee Bay Hotel

I don't know if it's made the news where you are, but there's a scandal in the papers at the moment about a family who found human faeces in the bottom of their bowl of ice cream after an altercation with the staff.

It's all true! - I have a source.

Specifically, it's my children's mother's sister's ex-husband's wife who is the centre of the drama. That's practically my best friend.

I won't be complaining in any restaurants any time soon, I tell you.