Friday, March 31, 2006

sand, surf & Mum

Phew, I've finally finished the training - I've only got one more day and then I'm finsihed for six months.

I've been trainng a bunch of people on the Sunshine Coast (Queensland, Australia) for the past two days and it's really felt like hard work. Mybe because I'm changing jobs in two weeks and won't be training for a while, and I'm looking forward to having a break from it.

Coming up here has been good though. I invited Mum to come with me so she flew up from Melbourne to have a holiday on the beach while I work. It's been very good to have the company as usually I am just mooching around by myself. No matter how gorgeous a place is, it's kinda a slog to just hag around by myself for a couple of days, eating in rastaurants alone and seeing the sights.

It's been a really good way to spend time with Mum -we go for a walk before I go to work, then she entertains herself all day, then we go for a swim and find a restaurant in the evening and hang out in the very nice apartment, listening to the ocean. I've gotten much better with her. About a year ago we had a bad year - I only see her about twice a year anyway, as we live 1600 kilometres apart - but that year I went through a stage of wanting more from her. I wanted a 'closer' relationship. I don't know what got into me. i wanted her to be someone she wasn't. Too much listening to the hippies of the North Coast maybe, I thought I could have a 'deep, real' relationship with my mother. It was really hard on her because i kept trying to steer the conversations places she really does not want to go. Like whether she has any goals, and what she feels the purpose of her life has been. And I was constantly asking her not to do all the mother things, like clean my house and weed my garden and do my washing whenever she is in my space. I'm sorry Mum! :) I think I have gotten much better at accepting who she is. She is not one of my 'deep personal' friends but she's pretty good for all her foibles.

She's very supportive & eager for Lovergirl and I to have a baby. When Lovergirl interviewed a bunch of non-biological lesbian mothers for a research project last year, she found that their most discrimination came from their mothers. Lovergirl expected people to talk about social discrimination, or from medical services, but people just sailed through that. It was most devastating when their own mothers couldn't accept that they were the mother of this child that came from their partner's body.

I've found a whole heap of other bloggers on this blogsite about lesbians trying to get pregnant. it's very reassuring. Although some have gotten pregnant dishearteningly easily.

I wanna have a go! It's very hard to stand by, getting older, while Lovergirl tries.

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