wild Friday night

Good Friday. Lovergirl has gone to a meeting and I have the house to myself for a couple of hours. What a luxury to be able to muck around on the internet without feeling guilty - although of course there are a million other things I could do, and more productive, like cleaning the bathroom or cutting out a pattern or even working on my conference paper.

I had a good idea about my conference paper on the way home from Brisbane last night. I'm much happier with it now, although it is fifty minutes long and very woolly, but at least I think it has good general content. I was so worried I felt sick before, that it was completely obvious and pointless. All I need to do now is cut it down to twenty minutes and make it sharp. Lovergirl tells me that Powerpoint wisdom is one Powerpoint slide every two minutes - otherwise it's too much content. I have 40 powerpoint slides! so obviously there needs to be some culling...better that than trying to pad it out.

Donor Dan and James are coming down from Brisbane tomorrow for lunch. I invited them. I'm really a bit...well, casting about to figure out what is the relationship one has with one's sperm donor and his boyfriend. it's a whole new kind of relationship, isn't it?

Lovergirl is much more reserved than me, always. Once she is friends with people, she is friends for life and would walk through fire for them. But she takes a while to get there. Me, I have lots of people I feel warmly towards, and I'm very happy to be open and interested and inviting to new people. I worry that I can come across as an over-eager puppy desperate for affection. I find people like that painful to be around.

So anyway I invited Danny & James for lunch. It's too weird, driving up there and hanging out at his gate - Dan lives in one of those very upmarket inner-city apartment complexes that are like living in a resort. It's completely gorgeous, very modern and luxurious feeling. I think if I ever live in a city again I would probably go for an inner-city terrace type place. Anyway Dan has a security gate so we wait outside for him to come down with his donation in a little plastic specimen jar - he hands it over and we hand back last night's jar. It all seems very - Lovergirl says like a drug deal, Danny says like some bad spy surveillance operation.

And we hardly know Danny & James.
(I'm not sure how long-term their relationship really is. They've been together a year or so. Sometimes I get the feeling that they haven't really stopped shopping around yet)

I would like - what?
I don't need to be best friends with him, but I'd like to get a good sense of his personality; if/when we do end up having a child and therefore being connected with him for the rest of our lives, I'd like to have a bit of an idea of who he is, and that we have some ground for a relationship that's not just based on the child.

I'm not getting very far with this line of thought. Our first known donor, N, I think we took for granted. we didn't consider him as a person who had his own motivations and hopes and reasons for donating. I'd like to avoid that mistake with Dan. also I suppose, I want to know who he is - if there are going to be problems, it would be good to know about them before we have a child together.

I think I'd be much more relaxed about this if the legal situation was clearer. Knowing that legally I am not a parent of this child but he could be, if he forces the situation through a court, is a bit anxiety provoking. I'd like to just trust that it will all be okay but...it pays to be a bit aware of possible pitfalls.