Thursday, March 29, 2007

Cow of a day

(<--- One of the candidates)

... and I mean that in a good way.

Film school is proceeding apace. I've got myself an internship with a guy who does documentaries and corporate productions, which is what I imagine I would like to do (He is, of course, younger than me, but I Don't Let That Bother Me). Documentaries don't pay very well, generally speaking, unless you happen to make An 1nc0nvenient Truth or What the B1eep D0 We Kn0w, so corporate productions - training videos, I imagine, given my background - are a necessary part of my forecast income stream.

An internship, I've discovered, is a fancy way of saying 'doing dogsbody work without getting paid'. But it's a lot of fun. My first task has been to find a cow for a corporate production about bovine health, always an important topic. So I've emailed all my rural contacts looking for a cow - so far I have five wannabe supercowmodels. I feel like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada, trying to track down the unpublished Harry Potter book for Meryl Streep's twins.

I gotta tell you, I love film school. And I love interning. Do you know what I love the most? I'm not helping anybody. I'm not doing anything worthy. I'm not being a special person, as in 'Ooh, it takes a special person to do that.'

Earlier this week I was driving along chatting about life and goals and Lovergirl said, 'What's most important to you in this hypothetical new career?'

'I don't want to help anybody,' I blurted. I was shocked! I thought a lightning bolt would strike me dead! I was so excited I rolled down the window of the car and started yelling out the window, 'I don't want to help ANYBODY!'

So bugger it. Today not one person refrained from committing suicide because of my skills. No one found a better way of relating to their family through me. No one discovered that they were an intrinsically good person despite everything, no one realised that sexual abuse wasn't their fault but the perpetrator's, and not one person has been able to work with me to develop a meaningful plan for their future with achievable goals and rewards along the way.

No, I spent the day finding cows. And I had a great day.


Anonymous said...

Know what you mean. I think I have compassion fatigue. I don't care anymore!

elsewhere said...

That sounds great. good for you. Love the books in your sidebar today!

Katya said...

I'm with you, I am SO over direct care. Time for someone else to pick up the 'caring, special, patient' mantle.

suze said...

Yes, many moons ago I was a health worker and I ended up not wanrting to be a helping worker too.